#10 Bacteria

Last week, when I posted that insects are the Earth's dominant life form, what I wrote wasn't entirely true. Our planet is really run by bacteria.

There are bacteria living in every habitable nook and cranny of the Earth. There are one hundred thousand of them squirming around on every square centimeter of your skin. Each drop of saliva has millions of bacteria in it. Yes, even your saliva, Mom.

The oceans are filled with bacteria. Each gram of dirt can have as many as two and a half billion bacteria in it. Bacteria have been found four miles below the Earth's surface. There's sketchy evidence for small bacteria floating twenty five miles up in the stratosphere, racking up microscopic frequent flyer miles. Scientists estimate that the total mass of the Earth's bacteria outweighs all of the plants and animals and all other living things combined.

If a nuclear war wiped out civilization, most of the Earth's bacteria wouldn't be affected.

When I wash my hands, sometimes I can hear the faint sound of all the other bacteria in the room laughing at me and rolling their tiny little bacteria eyes.

If all of the water was sucked out of your body, ten percent of what was left, by weight, would be bacteria. Don't expect to be invited to any of my dinner parties. Quite frankly, you disgust me.

Share This